we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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