I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
