I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday