You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest