As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
