so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
