Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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