Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
