i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you traded sex for a burrito?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
