You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
