You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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