I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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