I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Randomize
