Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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