That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
