Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threesome in a minivan. New low
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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