She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
