i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
