You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
