no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
