Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
