I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
