Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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