Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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