i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
