Non-Jews are for practice
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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