Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
