His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
