I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
