erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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