how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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