So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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