dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
