dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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