Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
