I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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