If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
