smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
