bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
