and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
