just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
