she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
