sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
