Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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