So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
