Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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