She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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