now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
