it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
