So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
worst night to have a conscience
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
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