I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
