I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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