I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
