she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
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