If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
