i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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