Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
