I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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