good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
FUCK WHALES
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
