And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
