that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Text me some of your sweat
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