This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
