So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
