i need an iv and a liver transplant
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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