I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
